Zubaz pants

Amazon.com is currently being flooded by a number of viral reviewers for funny items sold on the site. The 4chan /b/tards have been crapflooding the site with pretty humorous reviews. A few snippets:

Zubaz Pants

"I call these my Cock Fight pants. I know what you are thinking, why Cock Fight? Why not Zebra Fight pants? Here, let me explain:

The first time I wore these pants, I tried to capture the spirit of the animal print from which they came: the Zebracorn (50% Zebra / 50% Unicorn = 100% real. See Google). I would wear these pants with nothing more than Crocs on my feet and hair on my chest, and prance around the block like the mighty, legendary Zebracorn. It was kind of like skipping, using an intermittent hop, kind of a gallop. Yes, definitely a gallop. And I held my hands in front of my chest like I wasn't exactly sure what to do with them. People would ask if I was gay as I pranced around. I'd smile, wave, and wish them a happy day too. Then one day my friend explained to me that those people used a redefined meaning of that word. I didn't know they did that! (Change word meanings, I mean.)" - J.C. Murphy

Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt

"I purchased this shirt with the intention of giving it to my father. I knew he would feel it was fabulous and wear it with proud distinction. What I did not anticipate was the compelling gaze of Wolf #3. Upon opening the package I was instantly enraptured by its eyes and knew without a moment's doubt that my father could not have this t-shirt. It had to be mine.

Fate mocked me, however, for the gift arrived on Father's Day and I had no choice but to give it to him.

The anguish I was forced to endure was beyond the most savage of torments Hell could bestow upon the lowliest of mortals. What choice was I given? I murdered my father in a fit of jealous rage.

I sometimes pay a prostitute to wear the t-shirt and visit me in prison just so I can look lovingly upon it." - Brandon Patterson