Things I will never eat

A new series in my blog...

Things I will never eat: I was watching the Travel Channel and saw a corndog cone. Just no.

Sleep

I was exhausted when I went to sleep last night. I couldn't sleep much. Now, I am awake and am exhausted again, but I can't get back to bed. What the shit.

The Dentist - Part 1

I had a fantastic appointment at the dentist today. I do mean that. The cleaning went smoothly. They gave me novacaine. I can't feel my face right now and I think I accidentally bit my tongue and won't feel the pain for another few hours. I tried using a mouthwash to clean out some bacteria. When you have no feeling on the entire right side of your face, keeping liquid in your mouth is a challenge. I tried to accomplish this feat and hilarity ensued.

Appreciation for Honesty

It's rare to have refreshing honesty in life. Let me share a personal anecdote.

I moved into a shared house when I was away for school. It was shared between me and two other guys. One of the housemates left after the fall semester as he graduated early. I liked the final housemate, but we never really hung out.

After the spring semester, when he was moving out to drive to Washington, D.C. and his new life. We didn't know each other well enough to keep in touch. I said a brief goodbye and instead of saying goodbye, he replied, "Well... have a nice life!"

I wasn't offended at all by this blunt, and, to some, offensive farewell. It was actually amazingly refreshing. I laughed and went on with my day. His comment remains with me to this day as it had a lasting impression on me. I hope he is doing well.

Tuscan Milk

To further add to yesterday's epic post, consider the following glorious review of:

Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz

Chateau du Lait Blanc, watch out!

"One should not be intimidated by Tuscan Whole Milk. Nor should one prejudge, despite the fact that Tuscan is non-vintage and comes in such large containers. Do not be fooled: this is not a jug milk. I always find it important to taste milk using high-quality stemware -- this is milk deserving of something better than a Flintstones plastic tumbler. One should pour just a small dollop and swirl it in the glass -- note the coating and look for clots or discoloration. And the color -- it should be opaque, and very, very white. Now, immerse your nose in the glass and take a whiff. Tuscan transports you instantly to scenic hill towns in central Italy (is that Montepulciano I detect?) --- there is the loamy clay, the green grass of summer days, the towering cypress. And those gentle hints of Italian flowers -- wild orchids, sunflowers, poppies. Then, one takes in the thick liquid and lets it roll across and under the tongue -- what is that? perhaps a hint of a nutty Edam cheese? With Tuscan, you feel the love of every dairyperson involved -- from the somewhat sad and deranged farmhand shovelling steaming cowpies to the bored union milk maiden dreaming of leaving this soul crushing life behind for a job waiting tables for obnoxious American tourists in Siena. But not too fast -- sip gently, slowly, or one is in danger of not only missing the subtleties of the milk's texture and its terroir, but -- if chilled too long -- also of giving oneself a blinding ice cream headache. Nay, savor the goodness that only dairymen and dairywomen working at the apex of their craft can deliver. Tuscan is best drunk young -- no, no, don't cellar this gem -- I guarantee you'll be sorry if you do. I recommend pairing with freshly baked macadamia nut scones. Milk Expectorator gives this one a 92." - Philip Tone

Of course, this goes well with yet another review comment on yesterday's post on the Three Wolf T-Shirt...

"I accidentally spilled a glass of Tuscan Whole Milk down the front of this shirt, and my soul was torn from my body and thrown into heaven by a jealous God." - Chaon

Zubaz pants

Amazon.com is currently being flooded by a number of viral reviewers for funny items sold on the site. The 4chan /b/tards have been crapflooding the site with pretty humorous reviews. A few snippets:

Zubaz Pants

"I call these my Cock Fight pants. I know what you are thinking, why Cock Fight? Why not Zebra Fight pants? Here, let me explain:

The first time I wore these pants, I tried to capture the spirit of the animal print from which they came: the Zebracorn (50% Zebra / 50% Unicorn = 100% real. See Google). I would wear these pants with nothing more than Crocs on my feet and hair on my chest, and prance around the block like the mighty, legendary Zebracorn. It was kind of like skipping, using an intermittent hop, kind of a gallop. Yes, definitely a gallop. And I held my hands in front of my chest like I wasn't exactly sure what to do with them. People would ask if I was gay as I pranced around. I'd smile, wave, and wish them a happy day too. Then one day my friend explained to me that those people used a redefined meaning of that word. I didn't know they did that! (Change word meanings, I mean.)" - J.C. Murphy

Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt

"I purchased this shirt with the intention of giving it to my father. I knew he would feel it was fabulous and wear it with proud distinction. What I did not anticipate was the compelling gaze of Wolf #3. Upon opening the package I was instantly enraptured by its eyes and knew without a moment's doubt that my father could not have this t-shirt. It had to be mine.

Fate mocked me, however, for the gift arrived on Father's Day and I had no choice but to give it to him.

The anguish I was forced to endure was beyond the most savage of torments Hell could bestow upon the lowliest of mortals. What choice was I given? I murdered my father in a fit of jealous rage.

I sometimes pay a prostitute to wear the t-shirt and visit me in prison just so I can look lovingly upon it." - Brandon Patterson

Unknown state of being

One of the few readers of my blog site mentioned they wanted me to update the site. I haven't updated in about a week or so because honestly, I couldn't think of anything of interest to write about. Life is ok. There are things I would like to improve, but I am working on them (trying out more and more new things, being more social, general health). I consider myself fairly happy.

I like the feeling of being in a relationship, but I am not in a hurry to do so either if that makes any sense. I am comfortable meeting new people with the intention of learning more about them and becoming friends and if something more develops than I will be pleasantly surprised.

So far I seem to attract older women and gay men in my newly started online dating scene adventures. This is strange.

Weight update

I hit my first magic number this past Friday, but still have a ways to go.

1st magic number - BMI benchmark
* Original estimate: May 15, 2009
* Projected estimate: May 1, 2009
* Actual: May 1, 2009

2nd magic number - Initial goal
* Original estimate: July 10, 2009
* Projected estimate: June 19, 2009

3rd magic number - Lowest weight in ages
* Original estimate: July 17, 2009
* Projected estimate: June 26, 2009

4th magic number - Middle goal
* Original estimate: September 18, 2009
* Projected estimate: August 14, 2009

5th magic number - BMI benchmark
* Original estimate: September 25, 2009
* Projected estimate: August 21, 2009

6th magic number - Final goal
* Original estimate: October 23, 2009
* Projected estimate: September 11, 2009

My stomach is starting to get flat. I need to lose weight from my gut, waist, butt, and thighs. Pretty much the majority of my weight is currently sitting in my core which makes sense. When a person puts on weight, they usually put it on the core areas first (mentioned above), so when a person loses weight, this area gets more affected last.

Go, go, go...

Online dating

So, in what will be the first in a string of probably amusing and/or depressing blog entries, I entered the fray of the online dating world this past week.

First off, why am I doing this? Traditionally, the majority of women I have hit it off with in the past, I have not met via online dating. We met through a friend, at an activity, at a party, at school, etc. However, since leaving the social confines of academics, I realized am not the most outgoing or social person in the world so any avenue which allow me a greater avenue to meet new people is a step in the right direction. I also am appeasing my mother who has been nagging me to do this for years.

I sign up on a few different sites, entering in my profile information (interests, who I am, what I am looking at). I realize at this point that this is immensely difficult. It is very difficult to summarize ME in the span of a few short paragraphs, much less in a honest way that will be interesting or attractive to other people. This is painful.

I put up a few pictures. I tried to post pictures that didn't make me look hideous. However, I was honest about my pictures and posted images that showed what I really look like. No MySpace wierd angle shots. No headshot only shots. No shoulder and above only shots. I wanted people to see me and if they aren't interested, then so be it.

After a few days, I get some interest, but haven't been interested in anyone just yet. Here's the problem. I can't really tell how interesting a person is from their profile alone unless they managed to spend some time crafting their profile. If the profile is not good, then all I have to go by is their pictures. If all I have to go by is their pictures, then it feels sleezy, like I am picking up a mail-order date.

I have been contacted so far by:

* An hot girl who is near jailbait age - She is hot, but I'm looking for someone of substance and closer to my age and experiences in life.
* An interesting women who lives too fucking far away - I did a long distance-ish relationship once and am not eager to go in that direction again.
* Several unattractive women - I feel bad, but if I'm not attracted to them, then what can I do? I've noticed that if a woman doesn't have nice eyes, I am not attracted to them. Every woman/girl I have ever dated (from 1 date to relationships) has had beautiful eyes. A woman with beautiful eyes is very attractive to me.
* Shitty short profile woman - One woman contacted me. She is cute but has the most abrupt and generic profile I have ever seen.
- "I thought I would never be the one to try out online dating!"
- "I enjoy going out on the town as much as staying home in sweats, checking out a movie."
- "I love music!"

Welcome to humanity. In fairness, this might be related to the profiles and how they are difficult to fill out.
* Shitty long profile woman - Some people find long profiles to come off as desperate. I don't necessarily see them in that way and do not do an excessively long profile myself either (more so because I'm not sure what to put down). However, when it comes off as a myspace blog entry or text message with poor grammar, it makes me think the woman is not the sharpest tool in the shed. I'm not so distanced from youth, but presenting yourself well occurs in all forms, even your writing. I'm no nobel laureate of literature, but I can form complete sentences. Ya feel me?

I sometimes think about responding to some women who write me that I may find interesting as a friend, but I am hesistant to do so because sending any message of interest may come off as leading on a dating site. I'll think on this more.