Clothes

Random thought: I am able to fit into an old shirt I used to wear lovingly due to the increasingly shrinking me. The sleeves are short though! I'm not sure if the shirt shrunk, if it's always been this way, or if my arms have increased in length. I take some comfort in the idea of having huge monkey arms merely for the functional possibilities of swinging through trees or, more realistically, reaching further distances to grab things which I am too lazy to stand up and walk to get.

The waiting game

I am currently trying to lose weight for the following reasons. This is a ongoing task:

1. More healthy - Being more healthy improves my circulation, blood pressure, cholesterol levels, and resting pulse levels. This also gives me higher levels of endurance and cardio levels which applies to many things.
2. More attractive - Despite the fact that people talk about being attracted to confidence, personality, and sense of humor, many people will not consider dating someone to learn about their personality if they do not initially find the other person attractive on a physical level.

It occurred to me recently to me what is most aggravating about attempting to lose weight - waiting. You can work out heavily and eat sensibly, but most bodies are highly resistant towards losing weight. The human body works hard to maintain a sense of balance and the status quo.

Here is what I am currently doing:
1. Walking/running - I walk for 10-15 minutes to get increased circulation through my legs and loosen up my joints, then I run for a few miles.
2. Eating - My daily diet involves eating a bowl of cereal, a turkey sandwich, a banana, and some sort of stirfry or chicken with vegetables for dinner. I probably consume 1500-1600 calories per day as a conservative estimate.

I weigh myself every Friday morning in my skivvees. I have been losing weight every single week, but it's annoying to see differences in weight loss from week to week. The last few weeks losses have been the following:

* 1.6 pounds
* 3.2 pounds
* 0.8 pounds

This past week I was pretty rigorous with my exercise, increasing my regimen. I also remember having some crackers with peanut butter on a few days, but not an excessive amount. The up and down quantities are confusing to me because I want to reduce my current level of health fanaticism (something I have been doing fairly regularly for the past 7 years).

I am putting in the work required, but I wish it was moving along more quickly which tends to be aggravating.

I understanding this is all unreasonable whining, but it's soothing on a superficial level. :)

Maintain and have patience!

Books

I am running out of books to read. After realizing this, I happily discovered I have about $200 worth of gift certificates available to buy new ones! I love discovering gift certificates at the bottom of my drawer.

Black Company by Glen Cook - Popcorn reading.
Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood - I really enjoyed Handmaid's Tale so giving this a shot.
Blindness by Jose Saramago - Random award winner / recommendation.
A Canticle for Leibowitz by Walter Miller - Recommendation.
Godel Escher Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid by Douglas Hofstadter - Recommendation from a long, long time ago. Decided to finally pick it up.
Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell - Recommendation.
Red Seas Under Red Skies by Scott Lynch - Popcorn reading.

Swollen feet

My left foot (not the movie with Daniel Day Lewis), but my actual left foot is slightly swollen right now due to running. I went a little longer than I had originally anticipated due to a spike in energy level and ended up running for about an hour and change today. It feels really good finishing off that run, but I'm a little hazy right now. When I mean lazy, I really mean wobbly, which is why I'm sitting on my ass right now for recovery. Keep it going.

Soul killing

More IM dicktrash... I'm bored and slowly dying, so on that positive note:

seppyk: this has been one of the longer weeks of work i have ever had
jim: stayed late etc?
seppyk: do you believe in the idea of souls?
seppyk: because my soul is currently DYING
seppyk: more bored than anything else
jim: my soul has been off all week, my sucker body has been stuck at work
seppyk: empty shell of a body
jim: once you become ceo you can enforce a mandatory 4 day work week
jim: to save on expenses
seppyk: dude
seppyk: if i were CEO
seppyk: id quit and get a golden parachute, then retire
seppyk: think big
seppyk: guys, im out of here with my gold plated diapers
seppyk: stuffed with wads of 100 dollar bills
jim: im recording this and sending it to your boss for your next eval
seppyk: shit dude
seppyk: you just totally destroyed my dreams
jim: Yeah, I'm a dream killer
seppyk: you're the type of guy who steals candy from children and clubs baby seals
jim: A regular montgomery burns
seppyk: excellllllent
jim: Smithers! Release the hounds!

Happy weekend all! Curse copy and paste coloring and formatting. I'm blind!!!!

Old thoughts

Was reading my old blog and had some fond memories and distaste in my mouth at the same time. Needed to copy information so I do not lose them to the ravage of time:

Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do. Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.
- William Faulkner

For the beast:
1. God
2. Bard Holtbakk
3. Salmon Portland Chase
4. George Abraham Thampy, III
5. His Honour, Judge Learned Hand
6. Sensei Masataka Mori
7. Poul-Jesper Olsen
8. Inspekdah Deck
9. Yarael Poof

Insomnia

I have had a problem staying asleep for almost two months now. I have insomnia and I don't know what is causing this problem.

1. I am eating healthy foods.
2. I am eating reasonable portions.
3. I exercise almost every day.
4. I don't feel increased amount of stress in my life compared to when I was sleeping well.

Last night was one of the worst nights I've had since this started as I was laying in bed for hours trying to go to sleep with no success. I feel like hell today and don't want my fatigue to overwhelm other parts of my day-to-day activities.

I'd strongly prefer to not take medication to combat this.

Angry russians

Instant messaging trash from competitive Russians with bad English skills...

POLOSATIY: HAHAHA YOU THINK AMERICA IS GOOD? I SPIT ON YOUR FAMILY.
gby: dude, you spit on my whole family, thats harsh
POLOSATIY: RUSSIANS DO NOT APOLOGIZE. I WILL NOW EAT BOILED MEAT FOR GREAT JOY.
gby: apologizing just isn't in the culture
POLOSATIY: HAHAHA

A little less conversation

This past weekend was a rather boring one for me. I entered the weekend with high expectations -- complete my taxes to get it out of my schedule.
-- go out shopping for a new pair of "going out" shoes.
-- go out shopping for new pants and shirts for the rapidly shrinking me.

None of this happened unfortunately.

I had one good workout and another bad one. I started off by walking at a brisk pace to get the blood moving and loosen up my legs for the eventual run, but as I got towards the point where I would take off at a jog, I didn't feel well. I had cold perspiration and wasn't able to focus. This seemed like a familiar sensation, but I couldn't identify it immediately. It occurred to me that this was the feeling I got when I had low blood sugar. I panicked in my head, stopping working out and ate some sweet green grapes. I was feeling better shortly thereafter. As a note, I need to make a better effort at timing my workouts appropriately around meals so I don't feel that again.

I had a long, good conversation with my good friend, "Beast". His real name isn't "Beast", but similar to how I write for myself, I change his name for reasons of privacy. That, plus having the first name of "Beast" is really awesome. We discussed how he perceives himself and how he often attributes himself with a positive attribute and then balances it out with a negative one. I pretty much told him that he was sabotaging himself internally. Upon further reflection, I think negative thought by itself isn't entirely detrimental, but it's more important to transform negative thought into positive critical thinking as long as the critical thinking is done reasonably. No one can truly know a person better than oneself, but, at the same time, certain aspects of personality cannot be determined without external perspective.

I had a great conversation with my sister about personalities and dating of all things. I was amused when she told me that I had an "asian persuasion" which simply is not true for me. Date one asian girl in your dating history and you're typecasted for life? :) I told her what I was looking for and she gave me some good "socializing" tips.

We also discussed how I have a bad habit at not giving people enough chances. You can't really know someone well unless you go out with them a number of times. Even then, in the grand scheme of things, you only will know them on a basic level. However, I realize that I need to be more open in giving people that chance and visa-versa. It's something I will work on.

I think I need to work on thinking less also. :) It's hard to get out of my head and just react based on feel. I don't know how people do that but would like to find out.

Personality type

After a spirited morning discussion with a good friend, we came back around to Myers-Briggs personality typing. My friend is an INFP (Introversion, Intuition, Feeling, Perceiving).

To quote: "INFPs focus much of their energy on an inner world dominated by intense feeling and deeply held ethics. They seek an external life that is in keeping with these values. Loyal to the people and causes important to them, INFPs can quickly spot opportunities to implement their ideals. They are curious to understand those around them, and so are accepting and flexible except when their values are threatened."

I commented that after taking many different tests, they all ended with the same result for myself:

I - Introversion
N - Intuition
T - Thinking
J - Judging

So I read up on it to see how I match up:

"INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake... INTJs are known as the "Systems Builders" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability. Whatever system an INTJ happens to be working on is for them the equivalent of a moral cause to an INFJ; both perfectionism and disregard for authority may come into play... Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel... This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals... Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense."

Pretty much scarily spot on. :O

Cold

I am really cold right now. My fingers are turning blue and my nose feels frigid.

1. It is cold right now.
2. I need to eat and my metabolism is slowing down.

How can I tell the difference between the two? I don't really feel hungry, but at the same time, other people nearby aren't cold. I need to find some sort of work mittens that will warm my hands but allow me to continue to type in order to work.

I don't really consider this a major problem or issue (on par with starving plague-ridden children, global poverty, military-industrial complex, etc.), but when you're cold, you're cold. You feel me?

It's like riding a bike

Two posts in one day. What is my brain coming to?

I often have little happy thoughts in my brain that I wish I could think of more often. More specifically, positive thoughts, no matter where they may have originated, that spur some sort of memory of positive energy in myself.

I remember I was the last child of my generation to learn how to ride a bicycle, behind my sister and two cousins. It had become a tradition in my family for my uncle to teach all of the kids how to ride a bicycle legitimately. Previously to this point, I had been struggling with balancing with the help of training wheels.

My uncle went through the usual routine of teaching the fine art of riding a bicycle to me. However, there was one catch - a grim warning. He lived in the suburbs, about a 20-25 minute car ride away from where I resided so he mentioned the streets would be light or empty of car traffic while I was learning. The grim warning wasn't to be wary of car traffic while I was learning to ride in the street. This went without saying. He went on to say, "I don't know what it is about how I teach people how to ride a bike, but everyone one of you (my sister and cousins), lost control of their bike and rode into the steel-enforced mailbox on the side of the road. I don't want to put a hex on you, but be careful!"

We started with me trying to get accustomed to my center of weight resting on the small seat of the bicycle. I was unsuccessful a handful of times managing that portion as beginner balancing involves managing your center of weight while starting to move your legs to peddle. Riding a bicycle was not just about balance, but balance in motion.

I started to show improvement, managing the initial mount and movement technique. My uncle proceeded to walk and then jog besides me as I rode the bicycle slowly along the pavement of the street. After a few more attempts, he approached me and said, "Okay, I'm not going to hold the handlebars after you start to get moving, so be ready for it." This warning wasn't very helpful, as I was already anxious to not crash and injure myself, focusing intently on my riding technique and the road ahead of me.

We got started. He ran next to me on the bike as I started to pick up speed. I then remember him saying, "Look, you got it! You got it!". I looked back for a moment to realize he wasn't holding on to the riding bar. He wasn't running along beside me any more.

I then swerved out of control and rode straight into the steel-enforced mailbox.

My uncle ran to me, asking if I was ok. After receiving the all clear, he joked with me about it. "Someone should probably move that mailbox."

I picked myself up and tried again - this time with success.

Deodorant

Not much to discuss in terms of deep meaning today, but I found an interesting post on deodorants and antiperspirant of all things. This topics lead to me to the question of "what makes an antiperspirant prevent or reduce sweating?"

In turn, I found the answer...

Aluminium zirconium tetrachlorohydrex gly.

Pretty much, the chemical works in two ways:
1. It seeps into your underarm pores, clogging them, thereby preventing release of sweat.
2. It also acts an an hygroscopic compound, partially absorbing sweat that does get released.

Now you know.

Weight

So, I've recently been on a health kick, exercising rigorously, eating healthy and reasonable portions. I am closing in on my initial goal weight. I thought, this morning, "What is my ideal weight?"

So I checked out some web sites for my height and body type. For my international friends, please forgive me usage of pounds rather than kilograms. Years of living in the U.S. has forever tainted me...

People's choice: 200 pounds
BMI recommendation: 136 - 179 pounds
Metropolitan Life: 164 - 188 pounds
Devine formula: 166 pounds
Robinson formula: 161 pounds
Miller formula: 158 pounds
Hamwi formula: 171 pounds
Health Status: 143 - 178 pounds
FoodFit: 182 - 200 pounds
Health Discovery: 161 - 184 pounds
Shape: 161 - 184 pounds

Statistics (in pounds)
Low: 136
High: 200
Mean: 171.52941
Standard Deviation: 17.83647
Variance (Standard Deviation): 318.13971
Population Standard deviation: 17.30392
Variance(Population Standard deviation): 299.42561

I've come to many conclusions from these numbers. I am amused that in order to meet the healthy low number of the BMI (136), I would more or less look like an emaciated skeleton. Here's to health!

Loose ends

I have my flaws like any other person out there. One of the flaws I've tried to work on is to do a better job at giving people second chances. When I say second chances, this isn't some sort of judgment from up above declaring mercy or charity, but rather I give myself a second chance to reconsider if I have been in the wrong in reacting to another person's actions. Yes, I realize this is playing a tightrope act with the concept, but considering second chances helps me gain perspective about other people and, more important, how I think. If I have a better understanding about how I think and react to those thoughts, I can revise them in a positive fashion.

In the past, I have cut ties completely with past girlfriends or serious interests because lingering on is a painful process. One ex-interest has been staunch in her ability to attempt to maintain contact with me in an attempt to be friends. This has been, for the most part, unhealthy. There's really no other way to describe it.

I was extremely cautious about interaction, wondering if the intention was genuine for friendship or if there was something else at play. Something else was at play.

Why do I think this?

* Endless references to going on vacation with me to traditionally recognized romantic getaway locations.
* Flirtatious talk directed towards me.
* Talk about how our relationship used to be.
* Unceasing directed comments on how I will not "forgive" her for the relationship.

Now, let me be straight. I have said this type of talk makes me feel very uncomfortable and I am not interested in her in an intimate fashion anymore. She goes on, ignoring my remarks. I have communicated that whenever she talks flirtatiously or remarks about visits or vacations, it, again, makes me feel very uncomfortable. She continues, thinking that we have not lost a beat and there is no sense in working and building up a friendship. In other words, there are no broken bridges to mend and we should get along as "friends" in blissful ignorance of unworked out issues. Did I mention she tends to get in contact with me frequently after an ended relationship of her own?

I'm being an idiot.

I've decided to cut that shit off at the pass. I am not without blame, but she was and continues to be a emotional vampire in my life, attempting to gain self-worth through me and my past interest. Well, no more. It's over. Cut the cord. I will not have that negativity in my life any longer.