The tally

I run every day. If I miss a day, I usually feel the jitters, and, worse, when I get back to running the following day, it's never as good of a run. I don't run as far as I would like, but I clip in at an adequate pace, sweat several gallons, and push my heartrate to higher levels.

Running is a grind. It is repetitive, and, in turn, can be boring. You run, usually in the same gait, moving one foot in front of the other and repeat several thousand times. Despite the boredom that can occur due to repetition, running offers something that is not boring - a mental challenge.

Here are the various things I think of when I get into a good running rhythm...
* I am starting to slouch. Focus on my posture to run more efficiently.
* My arms are moving in a crossing pattern. Try to get more parallel angles with them.
* My body is starting to rotate with each gait pattern. Focus on my posture.
* I have sweat dripping into my eyes. This itches or will get into my eyes, which is something I don't want. Wipe it away.
* My breathing is starting to get strained. Focus on breathing while my body involuntary keeps up the gait. Make sure I'm not missing breaths so I don't tire early.
* My legs are starting to get tired. Are they really tired or can I go further? Mind over matter.

To me, running is more about my mind overcoming itself, not just my body.

I weigh myself every Friday morning after I wake up for a benchmark. I lost three more pounds today. The tally keeps adding up and I have to keep up with it. Focus.

H-1B Visa Fraud

There was a good post on the technology web log, Slashdot, about a government report released earlier this month that details that 20.7% of H-1B visa petitions to the United States were submitted with fraudulent information or technical violations, thereby supporting a policy for increased auditing procedures for H-1B visa applications.

There was a more interesting aspect to this of which I was not aware. Apparently, many companies on a week-by-week basis supply job advertisements in various publications (magazines, newspapers, online job postings) in which the company has no desire to actually accept local U.S. workers for consideration of the job itself. Some companies attempt to make their job postings contain job requirements that most, if not all local workers, could fulfill. For example, a software development consulting firm could post a job posting that required a senior software developer with 20+ years of programming language experience in a language that hasn't even existed for that amount of time.

Why do companies do this?

1 - By showing that a job posting was made and was unable to be filled by local U.S. candidates, it becomes easier to obtain H-1B visas to hire an non-citizen applicant. The applicant can be hired for a cheaper rate, thereby saving the company money.

2 - By showing that a job posting was made and was unable to be filled by local U.S. candidates, it becomes easier to obtain H-1B visas to hire a pre-selected non-citizen applicant. If a company has an international applicant in mind even before the job posting is made, the company can make a bogus job posting in order to make a stronger case for the pre-chosen international applicant to obtain work status or permanent residency. The only simple way for many international workers to get residence in the United States is to marry a United States citizen. By making a bogus job posting, this creates a loophole to ease the residency application process.

This entire process is shameful, for the companies that skirt the process for minor gains and, more importantly, for the counterproductive process created by the U.S. immigration office. It's not just local workers who are taking it from behind here. Unscrupulous companies can lure international workers with the idea of naturalization only to see it not take shape when the worker demands more compensation, benefits, or more firm ground to stand on for permanent residency. If the worker is fired for someone more agreeable, then they simply get deported back with little rights of their own.

Despite the tangential problem of declining interest by U.S. students in the study of math and science, and thereby a reduction in the amount of talent present in the U.S., there is an advantage to brain draining top talent from other countries to the United States.

The problem to me is when a company hires a H-1B worker when a equivalently skilled local worker is available. The advantage for this use case is plain - it helps the hiring company save money and I don't blame them. I do blame our government and U.S. immigration office for not properly auditing and analyzing their policies in order to bring parity to this situation. If an internation worker is more skilled and available for the position, then, by all means, hire them. If there is a qualified local candidate whose only disqualification is being a local resident, then that seems ass-backwards to me.

Anger

Over the past 10-15 years, I have had a lot of anger in my life. I'm not big into spirituality, but I think there is something to be said from an emotional standpoint for observing life with a sense of positive energy. This isn't to say that I would be comfortable with being a tree-hugger, hippie or straying completely away from my cynical realism. It's important to doubt and question. It allows me to think. It allows me to question to change what I think.

I spend a lot of time being angry with myself, or better stated disappointed with myself over what I have yet to accomplish. I think this anger stems from both internal and external sources. I get angry when I think other people break my internal code of morality - violating a worldview that exists in my mind which contains a policy of justice and fairness. The conflict arises when other people do not share this worldview. That isn't to say I get furious at others who disagree with my ideas, but when the conflict stretches to a point of being offensive, it makes my blood boil. The irrationality of anger is powerful, affecting myself and those around me in both positive and negative ways. Yes, anger can be a force for positive change. The problem is when anger is a force for negative change. That type of anger should be more controlled, but I am unable to do so sometimes and I get most disappointed with myself as a result.

I do not have much positive energy in me although I am trying to change that. This is not an easy task.

Hate crimes

There is another interesting post on my favorite community web log, Metafilter.

The story: Remembering Matthew Sheppard - How has the town of Laramie changed since the attack?

The background: Matthew Shepard was a gay student that studied at the University of Wyoming located in Laramie, Wyoming. Shepard was attacked on October 7, 1998 by Russell Henderson and Aaron McKinney. After meeting at a bar, Henderson and McKinney offered Shepard a ride in their car. Henderson and McKinney proceeded to rob, pistol-whip (beat a person with the stock of a gun), and beat Shepard, finally leaving him tied to a fence in a remote rural area. Shepard's skull was fractured during the attack and eventually died on October 12, 1998 while receiving hospital care.

Following arrest by police, Henderson and McKinney argued they were driven into temporary insanity by by Shepard's alleged homosexual flirtatious advances towards them. Girlfriends of the two alleged attackers told prosecution that Henderson and McKinney had planned premeditated robbery of the gay Sheppard. Henderson eventually plead guilty to charges and was sentenced to two consecutive life sentences in prison. McKinney was found guilty by jury of the charge of murder and was sentenced to two consecutive life sentences in prison without the possibility of parole.

The Shepard family pushed for support of the Matthew Shepard Act which would expand the realm of the 1969 United States Federal Hate Crime Law to include crimes motivated by gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, and disability rather. The act did not pass legislation due to conservative lobbyist pushback and a threat of veto by President Bush.

The argument: There are two main arguments for support or opposition of the Matthew Shepard Act and any of its future derivatives.

Support - The argument to support hate crime laws relates to the indirect effect on society as a whole. By murdering Matthew Shepard in hate-crime related activity, the entire gay population of the town and area is placed into a state of fear for being who they simply are (in this case, homosexual). A hate crime should be sentenced more harshly because it is not only an offense to the victim, but also an indirect threat towards all who share the same state of being.

Opposition - The argument to oppose hate crime laws whether it be the United States Federal Hate Crime Law or the suggested expansion by the Matthew Shepard Act is that by punishing a crime against certain people more, then it means that the same crime is punished less for other people. In question, why should a murder be less horrid for a victim and his or her families because the victim is straight rather than gay, white rather than black, healthy rather than disabled? It is also argued that by punishing a criminal more strictly because a crime was inspired by hate, it thereby is punishing a person for thoughtcrime rather than their actual illegal actions.

A decrease in quality

My web log is a source for me to excrete my mental diarrhea. Normally, I stay away from quizzes and other MySpace created "dicktrash". However, while shooting the shit with friends online, I saw this quiz and for no notable reason, I am filling it out. I realize this may pain the few viewers I do have for this web log, but consider the fact that a quiz, even a dicktrash one, allows myself to consider questions I don't normally consider. It offers new perspective, so it's not entirely a bad thing.

Anyhow, let us proceed...

Could you see yourself with someone forever?
Yes. Someone being the operative word and, at this point, I don't know who that someone is.

What is your birthstone?
I had to look this up. Apparently, my birthstone is an Emerald or Chrysoprase. An emerald sounds more extravagant so I'm sticking with that. When you see me next in person, don't be surprised by my emerald-encrusted grill.

Have you ever been to Hooters?
Once... and it was on the recommendation of a friend who raved about their buffalo hot wings, not to observe waitress tits. I swear! I didn't even like the wings.

Do you get along with your close friend's boyfriend/girlfriend?
I did when they were together. She was quiet in most interactions. I think she was amused by my witty reparte (i.e. - nerdness). I don't know if that's equivalent to someone laughing at me rather than laughing with me, but fuck it, I am who I am.

Do you know anyone who is having a baby?
Yes, my cousin. She's having twins. I'm sure they will be a handful.

Have you ever been called heartless?
Yes. I tend to get cold and rational sometimes when it comes to the greater good, at least in my mind. The problem is that I'm not sure if I stay as rational as I truly think I am.

When is the last time you did something you said you wouldn't do?
I usually don't make promises or claims to never do things. Life changes and so do I. My word is my bond yo.

Have you ever missed someone,and re-connected with them?
Yes, but only friends, never ex-girlfriends. Bros before hos dude. Apologies to all my friends who happen to be girls, but I had to say it.

Looking back, did you ever think you'd be where you're at in life now?
Yes and no. This is way too complex of a question to answer in full in a single quiz. I am superhuman in many regards and regressively childlike in others. I guess I'm like most of everyone else and that still strangely gives me pause.

Do you curse a lot?
Never at work. Rarely at acquaintances. Probably often around true friends, but I don't pay attention to it. I don't analyze my words constantly around true friends because I am in a state of true comfort.

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
Yes, the question is whether that difference was overwhelmingly positive or negative from person to person.

What was the last thing you cried about?
It was a long time ago (long time as in years). I hold emotions in as a defense mechanism. Yes, I realize it's not healthy. The more interesting question is why I hold emotions in rather than the single emotion itself. To answer the question, the tears came after an emotional breakup.

What are the last spoken words you heard?
"I just want to say that I love you." by a special needs friend on online voice communication. He amuses me.

Who is the last person you talked on the phone with?
My mom.

Did you have plans today?
I woke up, went out for a good breakfast with my mom and sister. Drove 200 miles back home. Ran for 30 minutes, feeling both amazed and like shit at the same time. Ate food. Shot the shit with friends online. I guess the only plans part of that would be driving home.

How many months are there until your birthday?
7 months.

Name something you are doing tomorrow?
Working.

Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
I prefer chocolate milk although I haven't had chocolate since 2001. Why have I not had chocolate since 2001? This is a longer story.

When was the last time you had Starbucks?
Earlier this year, I had a chai tea. I took some new hires for coffee in order to welcome them into the company.

Do you sleep on your stomach?
Never. I have partial to little feeling in my stomach so touching it or sleeping on it would be extremely uncomfortable.

What are you listening to?
The Usual Suspects

Are you ticklish?
No. I tend to get chills or irritated when tickled.

Are you missing someone?
Yes

Do you crack your knuckles?
Yes, but not often.

Are you named after anyone?
My mom named me after a person in the Old Testament.

Anything you want to tell someone?
No.

What's on your bed?
Some papers, several blankets, 1 thin pillow, and some laundry I still have yet to fold and put away.

Are you someone's best friend?
Yes. I have many acquaintances and friends throughout my life but only two people in the world I consider best friends (I am excluding family members from this list). A true friend, to me, is someone I feel completely at ease with which is not an easy thing for me.

What do you think of when you think of Australia?
Dingos, shrimp on the bar-b, Wallabees, Kangaroos, Koala Bears. In general, my initial thoughts lump me in with other American who share dumb, stereotypical thoughts.

Who was the last person to give you a hug?
My mom.

Where were you last night at midnight?
Sleeping on a fairly uncomfortable futon.

Do you like anyone right now?
This question gives me cancer.

Did you speak to your mother today?
Yes.

How was last night?
I attended a wedding. I made a strong attempt at small talk and found that many people are even less capable of smalltalk than myself. I took those observations as a small victory for myself.

Who was the last person you gave your number to?
I honestly can't remember.

When was the last time you cleaned your room?
Several weeks ago. I need to give it another go.

How did you wake up this morning?:
In discomfort on a small futon.

What's the last bone you broke?
I've never broken a bone. I drank milk growing up providing me with adamantium-strengthened bones.

How many letters are in your last name?
7

What are you excited about?
Ending this quiz. I am realizing, at this point, it is entirely too fucking long.

Do you drink bottled water?
All the time, but I recently ordered a water filter so I can help SAVE THE WORLD.

When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
This morning.

Have you lost friends in the past year?
No.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Each relationship helps me understand what I like and don't like, what I can tolerate and not tolerate. It is a learning process, so they are always worth it.

Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
Once in the morning to wake up. Once in the early evening after working out.

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
I have one cigarette in my entire life which was provided to me by my father when I was 7-8 years old. How's that for a blue-collar military life lesson. Suck it up you hippies.

Who was the last person you were under the covers with?
I am growing increasingly belligerent.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
I was a bundle of joyous sunshine.

If you're being extremely quiet what's it mean?
It means I am uncomfortable, most likely observing other people, with my mind moving at uncontrollable speed.

Whats your relationship status?
Single and strangely content with that fact.

Last time you were confused?
Right now when I tried to remember when the last time I was confused. This is a daily event.

Do you hate when people smoke around you?
No. If I stand around people who are smoking, even if I dislike it, then it would be my choice to do so.
Being bitter about that fact is just dumb. I would only dislike it if I wanted to get away from smokers and was unable to do so.

How old do you want to be when you have kids?
This question is an abomination.

Would you tattoo someone's name on your body?
Never.

Last movie you watched?
I honestly can't remember.

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
No.

How many pairs of pants do you own?:
No idea.

What color do you wear most?:
Black like my heart. In reality, I like the color blue and red because they bring out the precious beauty of my eyes.

What's for dinner tonight?:
I cooked stir-fry and it was delicious and healthy.

Are you happy with your life right now?
No, but I am satisfied with the direction my life is headed, which will hopefully offer me some happiness.

Last thing you bought over 50 dollars?:
An order of tons of randomness from an online retailer.

Last thing you bought under 50 dollars?:
Gas. Really, it was under 50 dollars.

Have you kissed your boyfriend/girlfriend lately?:
CANCER. CANCER. CANCER.

What are you going to do now?:
Shoot the shit with friends and reflect on my uncanny ability to grind out the completion of this quiz.

Discipline

I have a good amount of vices in my life. I tend to overeat when feeling stressed. I tend to procrastinate because it's more satisfying gaining enjoyment now than later. I tend to avoid uncomfortable situations even though it may prove to add more long-term benefit by choosing confrontation instead.

One thing I am exceptionally good at is work ethic via inertia.

Some contextual definitions first...

Work - exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor; toil.
Ethic - a complex of moral precepts held or rules of conduct followed by an individual
Inertia - the property of matter by which it retains its state of rest or its velocity along a straight line so long as it is not acted upon by an external force.

Again, I am a procrastinator. I tend to put things off until some external force, well, forces my hand. Once I start something, I am brutally focused at seeing it through. I had been getting lazy with my diet and exercise plan ever since I went back to school. I gained weight. I got disgusted with myself. In turn, I started dieting and exercise.

Now, I'm not into any of the random diets (Atkin's, Vegetarianism, South Beach, High Protein). I keep things simple. I eat tasty, health food (this is difficult) portioned moderately. I exercise daily in order to raise my heartbeat and perspire. The end result of this is the most basic diet in the world which works for me. I haven't tried any of the idiomatic diets, but I wager my diet regimen is better. Why?

1. I have discipline to keep the diet. Once I start something, I am exceptionally good at maintaining. My focus and inertia keeps me on a steady path.
2. Eating healthy foods in overall small portions means my calorie intake is smaller than when I ate bad foods in large portions. The amount of calories I eat per day is less than the amount of calories I burn per day. Calorie watching makes me lose weight.
3. Exercising makes me burn additional calories per day making weight loss easier. It also helps me sleep more comfortably which is nice. Finally, it slowly increases my overall metabolism which means I can have bad eating days and still gain no weight. I break even.

I have restarted my regimen and am approaching close to 3 months on my diet. I get my new scale in the mail next week so I will be tracking metrics for motivation.

Speaking of motivation, I asked a co-worker, a fellow runner, how she continues to run when her mind is telling her to stop. She responded that she tells herself internally to push on for only 5 more minutes, or 5 more miles depending on the run.

It got me thinking about the discipline I have when I run. When my mind is telling me to stop, I usually don't go into bargaining (Just go 5 more miles). My mind usually goes into anger and belittlement (Run for another mile you puss). Whatever works I suppose.

The U.S. financial crisis - simplified

Discovered a great link via Metafilter that describes the financial crisis in a neatly organized fashion. A good read...

http://www.themoneymeltdown.com/

For a brief time-based synopsis of the subprime mortgage crisis, a good write-up is available on Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subprime_crisis_impact_timeline

Brand loyalty

I'm not the most fashionable person in the world. My wardrobe ranges from borderline metrosexual attire to trailer trash t-shirts and jogging shorts. In general, I purchase new clothes for the following reasons:

1. I receive a suggestion from someone else (usually a companion who shows pity for my lack of shopping knowledge and skill).
2. I purchase an article of clothing by means of chance. This doesn't mean that I flip a coin (although I'm willing to try that some day in the future), but rather I find a shirt, pants, or a pair of shoes and buy them on a whim, not necessarily looking for the articles in the first place.
3. Comfort.
4. My old clothes are too small or too big causing me to buy new ones in order to not look ridiculous (big clothes) or naked (small clothes) in public. I'm come to terms with my narcissism.

I usually don't care what brand name is on the clothes unlike other consumer outlets. For example, I tend to have brand loyalty to certain foods or brands at the grocery store because I like the taste of their food. I also may have brand loyalty to certain electronics companies over others because I know they are, at the minimum, an established company that will distribute a television or stereo that won't break instantly.

None of these examples are guarantees. If I taste something good from a different company's food product, I'm a convert. If I read enough positive user reviews about an electronics product, I'm more likely to take the risk and make a purchase.

With clothing, it similar. Certain brands have a reputation for higher quality craftsmanship or high public reputation. In general, I don't care as much about this other than offering my taste on a look -- do I like the style (god help me for saying it, but the silhouette), do I like the color, is the texture comfortable on my skin, does it meet my fashion needs (work vs. casual vs. special occasion), is there ugly seam-work, does it match?

In general, these are the criteria I go by rather than the name on the tag. However, there is one main exception...

BEHOLD MORTALS...

The Adidas Shelltop. Comfort. Retro freshness. Other shoemakers try to copy the simplicity and style, but they fail miserably.

On-call

I am the primary employee on-call this week. What does this mean? This means I am responsible for replying to the following avenues of inquiry from our business customers and parters:

1. E-mail list.
2. Legacy web forum.
3. New web forum.
4. Business support inquiries.
5. Support engineer inquiries.
6. My personal favorite, escalated phone call inquiries.

I get paid for being on-call. This is the benefit to being on call.

What is the downside?

1. Being responsible for support on systems with which I am unfamiliar. The support model is the blind leading the blind from a certain perspective.
2. Being the last line of defense for support. The majority of support engineers day-to-day responsibilities involve understanding the entire solution or at least trying to reach that goal. My day-to-day goal involves being an expert on a small handful of subcomponents within one product of the solution. The support engineers are better suited and knowledgable about the product as a whole. Blame this on my responsibilities or lack of training but this is the awful truth. In fairness, I can bend the idea of being on-call to support to being on-call to manage support. I am just a middleman to find the correct people who do know.
3. Blurring of work-life boundaries. This is a big issue for me and one of the most important things I look for in terms of job satisfaction. When the lines are blurred between work time and personal time, the term job blurs into indentured servitude.

From an reasoned perspective, I understand the idea for being on-call (to support customers and also so other employees don't have to do it more frequently). From an emotional standpoint, it pains me.