Giant sharks

Funny clip found online from hack movie script writers...

What are most people afraid of when flying? The takeoffs? Landings? Turbulence? Power failure? Bad weather? No. GIANT FUCKING SHARKS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skYRZ_-RXtk

Child abuse

I was watching a short spot of television this morning while enjoying my delicious and nutritious bowl of Shredded Wheat cereal when I viewed the following commercial:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qb0vquRcys&feature=related

This was so funny and sad at the same time. I usually am a habitual channel changer during commercial breaks, but this was a good set of advertising.

It reminded me of one of Jack Handy's classic Deep Thoughts...

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

Things I will never eat

A new series in my blog...

Things I will never eat: I was watching the Travel Channel and saw a corndog cone. Just no.

Sleep

I was exhausted when I went to sleep last night. I couldn't sleep much. Now, I am awake and am exhausted again, but I can't get back to bed. What the shit.

The Dentist - Part 1

I had a fantastic appointment at the dentist today. I do mean that. The cleaning went smoothly. They gave me novacaine. I can't feel my face right now and I think I accidentally bit my tongue and won't feel the pain for another few hours. I tried using a mouthwash to clean out some bacteria. When you have no feeling on the entire right side of your face, keeping liquid in your mouth is a challenge. I tried to accomplish this feat and hilarity ensued.

Appreciation for Honesty

It's rare to have refreshing honesty in life. Let me share a personal anecdote.

I moved into a shared house when I was away for school. It was shared between me and two other guys. One of the housemates left after the fall semester as he graduated early. I liked the final housemate, but we never really hung out.

After the spring semester, when he was moving out to drive to Washington, D.C. and his new life. We didn't know each other well enough to keep in touch. I said a brief goodbye and instead of saying goodbye, he replied, "Well... have a nice life!"

I wasn't offended at all by this blunt, and, to some, offensive farewell. It was actually amazingly refreshing. I laughed and went on with my day. His comment remains with me to this day as it had a lasting impression on me. I hope he is doing well.

Tuscan Milk

To further add to yesterday's epic post, consider the following glorious review of:

Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz

Chateau du Lait Blanc, watch out!

"One should not be intimidated by Tuscan Whole Milk. Nor should one prejudge, despite the fact that Tuscan is non-vintage and comes in such large containers. Do not be fooled: this is not a jug milk. I always find it important to taste milk using high-quality stemware -- this is milk deserving of something better than a Flintstones plastic tumbler. One should pour just a small dollop and swirl it in the glass -- note the coating and look for clots or discoloration. And the color -- it should be opaque, and very, very white. Now, immerse your nose in the glass and take a whiff. Tuscan transports you instantly to scenic hill towns in central Italy (is that Montepulciano I detect?) --- there is the loamy clay, the green grass of summer days, the towering cypress. And those gentle hints of Italian flowers -- wild orchids, sunflowers, poppies. Then, one takes in the thick liquid and lets it roll across and under the tongue -- what is that? perhaps a hint of a nutty Edam cheese? With Tuscan, you feel the love of every dairyperson involved -- from the somewhat sad and deranged farmhand shovelling steaming cowpies to the bored union milk maiden dreaming of leaving this soul crushing life behind for a job waiting tables for obnoxious American tourists in Siena. But not too fast -- sip gently, slowly, or one is in danger of not only missing the subtleties of the milk's texture and its terroir, but -- if chilled too long -- also of giving oneself a blinding ice cream headache. Nay, savor the goodness that only dairymen and dairywomen working at the apex of their craft can deliver. Tuscan is best drunk young -- no, no, don't cellar this gem -- I guarantee you'll be sorry if you do. I recommend pairing with freshly baked macadamia nut scones. Milk Expectorator gives this one a 92." - Philip Tone

Of course, this goes well with yet another review comment on yesterday's post on the Three Wolf T-Shirt...

"I accidentally spilled a glass of Tuscan Whole Milk down the front of this shirt, and my soul was torn from my body and thrown into heaven by a jealous God." - Chaon